cleaning.

Pictures are put in the memory box.

"Mahal Kita" still on the white board since '05.

broken.

How am I suppose to feel about all of it. I just don't know. Why say you still have faith of there being an "US" again? When you've been single for the last 2 years. That you introduced to your friends another girl to be your GF? That downgraded me to nothing, there's no respect in there. I was suppose to be the "wife", that woman that will bare your damn big headed kids. In the end I was nothing more but a damn good bang. I don't trust you, I don't give you respect. I don't care about any of it. I don't want to kick your ass, I just want you to suffer at the hands of fate and karma. 

**SORRY, TO MY FEW READERS THAT MY BLOG IS NONSTOP.. BLAHING ABOUT THE EX BF. ** 

New year's is coming up soon. I'm excited. '09 is my year. I will not let any boy, guy, man get in my way of my education. I will lose my rice sack and tone up for the beach. I will not sit and wait for things to come my way but fight for what I want in life. I will not have no guy think he can control my mind, body or soul.  I'm an very stubborn and independent woman. I will do what I think is right for my life. I will take/listen to your opinions. 

I miss my best friend. I hope he's having a great trip in the "motherland". And comes back with some goodies. Ahahaha. . [; lashes, circle lens, legit fake bags .. lmao <3<3<3

I currently have a new bag for the season that I want from Marc by Marc Jacobs. Being that I've brought nothing from all the other seasons. We'll see. I want to pay off all bills$$$ before I even think of putting anything on my card or at least have the money for it and not have it on my CC. 

Thanks to Trinh/Spanks for the New Year's contest gift. I will post pictures soon. Really cute stuff, I really like to say thanks again! [;

feeling broken.

I'm sorry. 

" just come back so we can be happy together again. " 

I'm sorry but it's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. Even if I didn't find out about your shady lowlife ways, I still wouldn't come back. I'm happier now. I like what I see in my future. I like that I feel more comfortable and free in the last 3 weeks then I've ever felt in the last 3 years. I'm sorry but it's true. I just don't know. . I should be angry but I'm more sad then anything. I believed and trusted you. I knew that my friends, my family, my soul . .  told me no, just leave. . but being the hardheaded stubborn person that I am. I stayed. And now I'm suffer for it, I feel lost, betrayed, lost a bit of myself to you.. and now I will never get that part back. But still, I wish you the best of luck. Karma will get you, but after that is all done. . I hope that you will find that girl that's right for you. A girl that will not be me. . she'll be that girl that you wanted me to become. . 

I feel a bit broken, yes I do. Maybe a little gift from Agent Provocateur, wouldn't hurt either. I have a set from them, I brought last year and I grew a cup size and now I'm screwed. I still haven't worn it cause I haven't had anything special to really wear it with or to. . A hundred something odd bra needs something pretty to be worn with. LOL. Yes, I do have a rather large obsession with lingerie. I have about 25-30+ bras and 200+ undies. 

heh . . can't do much but wish everyone. . a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. 

raving rant. . excuse me.

I'm feeling betrayed. I feel used. I feel violent. I feel damn sore but hell that ain't from you, so ha! My anger towards you will be put into real good use. Boxing lessons to tone myself up for the summer. And I will go to the beach and actually be able to enjoy it. I will remember all this, I'm not forgetful or fake. And karma will bite you so hard in the ass that you will remember wtf you did to me. I don't feel sad no more I feel confident to really get on with my life. To let all this go, to be the better person and just shove it all up in your face and call you a muddafcken flakey low life fag. I knew, I should have trusted and listened to what my mind, body and soul was telling me but I didn't and this is where it got me. I should have knew better. My family was right, if they really liked or they would go after you .. and that's just how I'll live my life now. So fck you're shit, I'm through with you so now just diaf. 

last weekend?

Yeah, I know who the hell posts about last weekend but apparently I do. I did have a post or blog or whatever ready but I wrote it when I was all giddy and it doesn't look right. 

Saturday, I went in search of a dress to wear for my companies xmas party. I do work at a dealership and we're part of a even huger company so i believe there was suppose to be about 18 dealerships there but it really didn't seem to feel like it. I brought a somewhat of a satin black tube dress from f21. I wore grey leggings with heels, hmms. My tits were all out and about and needed to fix the bra like 24/7 but whatever. So I spent the better part of the night w/ the Bean & her Honey Bear to look for all that. Fun.

Sunday, I basically spent 45% of my time at the mall to buy, return & exchange certain things. I got my 20% off at Shu Uemura. So I got an eyeliner brush, a 24k eyelash curler and lashes. My sister pretty much insisted that I got the gold ones. She's silly. Not into make up what so ever and told me to get the gold ones. Haha. 

I went home, straighten out my already straight hair, did my make up and waited to see if my date ( the boy ) was ready. Headed over to the party and waited for them kids which is my Bean and her Honey Bear. We got there at 530, sat around, listened to the music, laughed. Pretty much had a great time. Went outside and people watched. Me & the Bean got a head to the toe up down look from ms. Brownpants.  I gave her one back and she walked away. lol. Wow. 

I loved the people watching. 

After a while we got pretty bored and left to go to a hookah bar. Fun times. I've never smoked hookah, just sat there with the friends chilling though. The boy just laughed at me, but then he laughs at me like majority of the time anyways. LOL. Silly boy. 

BTW it's 2:35 am and I'm listening to like n'sync uh yeah.. n'sync wow. 

Untitled?

EX:

Should I be furious? Should I be sad? Should I be "I don't give a flying fuck. "? I just don't know what I'm feeling, actually. It's been two weeks since he broke up with me. Now he says he misses me and he's so sad. It was HIS choice. I was woman enough to say that I would stand by him. That I would put up with the long work hours that I would still be there for him. And he said I would be better off without him, happier even. And that was that. . his choice. Or maybe it could have been me, who didn't call him and was like WTF?! 4 years and now this? 

Point being is that I am happier now. I feel that kick of loneliness of being single but I feel like I'm living my life over. I feel that everything will be okay in the end and that I will get through this bump in my life and will accomplish the many goals in my life. I will always look back at our memories and say it was a great one and that I enjoyed the good and the bad of it all. That I have grown up in all those 4 years. 

SICK:

My throat hurt. Yesterday I couldn't swallow shit, not even my spit. During the night it felt better but I was still tossing and turning like a mofo. Urgh. I wasn't even able to eat anything yesterday either that would answer the whole 1 lb weight lost. LOL. A good thing? I have no idea? But I would liked that I actually got to eat something at least. Makes me want Jamba Juice but I'm not sure if all that sticky sweetness is good for me. Who knows. 

DIET:

I'm working hard and so far so good. I haven't drank any soda what so ever. And don't think I will then I'm at my ideal weight, which is like -10 lbs from my original. Who the hell knows. I work out every other day on my Wii. I guess it works but running on my treadmill would be a lot better, I would think. This whole diet thing is going to be a major part of my '09 plans. Now til my 21st, I'll be somewhat better with the weight then my birthday til summer more weight loss. I want to lose enough where I can get my rib piece done, man I'm going to cry like the little bitch that I am for that rib piece.. ouch! 

Anyways HAPPY HOLIDAYS folks! Til next time, I guess. :D

sweet 16.

directions: 

16 random things, fact, habits or goals about you.

choose 10 people to tag.

1. I once used 10k texts in a month. Unlimited baby! 

2. I have a queen size bed but only sleep on one side. So one side is worn down and the other side isn't. I need to flip my bed more often. 

3. My flip friends say I'm "moar" flip then them. I'm flip washed. I love Jollibee's, Goldilocks, Red Ribbon  etc etc. . I love palabok and I mean I love it.

4. I am super random. I can switch to several subjects in less then 5 minutes.

5. My favorite color is red and it's the bloody murder red not that bright shiny one.

6. I will own a 911 GT3 or a very large Range rover for my dogs. 

7. I have an Nokia N95 8gb. An unlocked imported phone. 800$ and still worth it. 5 mp, video calls, speakers and from the only company that can stand being dropped like 4082045820 times. 

8. I am somewhat of a horrible dirrty mess. But '09 is a new year and I will clean up my life. I'm so excited. Haha. . i will lose 10-15 lbs and really dance around in my bikini by summer. GOALS man! 

9. I have a small heart shaped birthmark on my inner thigh. February baby. . I hate Valentine's Day. It's my enemy but should be Shara's day instead. 

10. I would give 2 cup sizes away to gain a better ass. Balance man. I'm a small person and just URGH. 

11. I am most comfortable in jeans and a tee. 3$ tee from f21 and whatever pair of jeans that float my boat at the moment. 

12. I only dance in my underpants with the music blasting. Just me, the underpants and the music. I'm like Charlie's Angel style, except I don't like fall on my face. Lmao. Or do I?

13. I told my mom that my Chanel purse was an invest, cause I can give it to my grandkids. LOL. I'm lucky, she didn't beat me. LOL.

14. I buy every edition of EVO magazine. I do not know why. It's about CARS and from England. Cost me 10$ each time. ]: 

15. I own like 500+ undies & 30-/+ bras. Say thank you to VS and how they like to "give" their girls treats. 

16. My beta fish's name is Chester the Molester. He lives in a red tank w/ red pebbles. I feed him red beta food. He's bright bright red. And has a sign that says " I prefer to live alone " haha. 

new, contest, weight loss.

Is it too early? To be looking  at what's out there? Is it? Is it evil or bad on me to go in in search of what's out there and accidently bump into something new? Something I might have interest in, in the future? I have yet to know. I don't want to jump into it. I just want to let it flow through and so far, it's flowing just right. But I mean come on? Jumping from a 3.5 year relationship into something new, isn't what I want. I want to see. Bah. Contradicting nonsense. 

I feel giddy when he texts, I laugh at his randomness (almost a match to mines' ), I have that feeling that TEEHEEHEE, haven't had that in a while. Gots me thinking in the right way. BUT look he's new, NEW, and I'm feeling kinda gah. . do I even make any sense? *shrugs I don't know how I feel about all this. 

My work's xmas party is this coming sunday. I got drink tickets this year! (; I can't handle shit so I guess he can have those. IF he goes. GAH. I think I'll do L's contest this saturday too! Might as well, won't be as nice as the other ladies but whatever. My first contest and it'll just be fun to be apart of the infamous "FlyMamaL " contest. teehee. . I am done with school for the semester. And will NOT be taking a winter course being that the funds have been cut and there's no classes to really take. DAMN YOU CALIFORNIA. It's about us STUDENTS. Showing no love, bah! 

Since I am not taking a course, I've also decided to well work out. I want to lose 10-15 lbs. and keep it off by summer. Yes, I'm already thinking about summer. As much as I despise it, I will flaunt what I got oceanside. ( And if I am slim enough, I will get my tattoo that I  have been wanting since forever. I want both sides of my ribs done. This is what I'm "assuming" that I will get. Since I am a pussy ass bitch when it comes to NEEDLES. ) LOL. I think I will lose 6 lbs for the 6 wks off of school, that I have for my birthday. Good ol' uh birthday gift to me, I guess. Be slimmer for my 21st. 

entertaining my morning.

*retyped it from BedtimeCake

a. answer the following Q's using only one  word.

b. pass it on to 7 people.

1. where's the cell phone? pillow

2. where's the S.O.? n/a

3.  hair color? black

4. mommy? cambodian?

5. daddy? viet-nam-ese?

6. favorite thing? sleep.

7. dream last night? none.

8. dream/goal? happy.

9. room your in? mine.

10. hobby? collecting.

11. fear? falling.

12. 6 yrs. from now? accomplished.

13. where were you last night? work?

14. what you're not? tall.

15. wish-list items? $$bills$$ 

16. where you grew up? OC.

17. last thing you did? computer?

18. what are you wearing? jammies.

19. TV? old.

20. pet? outside.

21. computer? apple.

22. mood? tired.

23. missing someone? no.

24. car? old.

25. something you're not wearing? necklace.

26. favorite store? n/a

27. summer? wild.

28. love someone? family. 

Hiatus is over.

Okay, I'm back!

Miss me?

I know, you do! 

Blogging cause PACMAN won! I fucken loved the fight, just loved it. ;D Poor Golden Boy, he was really struggle and I was doubting if he would have made it to the last round. But at least he stayed for 8 rounds.  I'm glad, my Bean took me to go watch it. LOL. Taking me out, corrupting me and making sure I get my ass home on timez ( Thankz MOM. ). Haha. . She's awesome. 

mmmms yeah so  bike, tattoos, confident, fuck yes. . 30 day guarantee! I'm down. If not NEXT!  

I live each day like it were my last. My goal is to be able to drink a bottle without throwing up for my birthday. I know, damn lightweight. LOL.  Plus NEW YEAR'S! 

NOTE* I will TRY to do one of L's contest. MY FIRST CONTEST. I'll keep you guys posted. 

Kay, I'm done.

hiatus.

A quick one. 

I  want to get my life back together, clean it all up. Throw out unneeded things. Put those memories aside for other times. Get into shape. And when everything is done, put myself back out there. Cause 3.5 years needs a whole lot of healing times. He lives his life and I live mine. We separated on somewhat good terms. So I'm thankful and appreciate all that he was to me. I basically grew all those years. He caught me at 17 and now I'm almost 21, I learned a lot and will always love/remember what he taught me. /ends.

Don't worry, I'm not going to leave for good. I'll still post comments and read everyone's blogs. You guys are awesome. (: