memories.

I'm confronted with what happened in the past. I am trying to view it with a straight face and a clean slate. I am getting rushed with all my past relationships. Flashing through them and thinking about what a fool I was in bits and parts of high school. I am now 21, meaning it's been about 4 years since I last stepped foot on my high school campus. High school what a memory that was. My drama, my heartaches, my tears, my achievements, my procrastination. 

The relationships. . I wasn't a little slut that fucked everything that walked but I had my moments where I just sat there and stared off into space like oh my fucken shit, the fuck was that? I don't even know why I'm bogging about it, I just am. Maybe I'll private it but we'll see.

Freshmen;

The Davids were my "short" freshie relationships. Both sophomores at the time and that made it all the cooler. I don't talk to David#1, being that I can't believe I even dated him. My cousin had introduced us and that was a bit of some drama there. David#2, I barely talk to him now. But we're okay, I guess? Casual friends. 

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. My first real like oh my lord, I love this guy, kinda one. A lot of heartbreak, drama, hopes and sorrows. We talk here and there, we still remind ourselves that we were so young and stupid back then. We bond when we talk but mostly end up about how our own relationship ended. I guess he's my first love, not my last but still. It was sweet and memorable. 

Sophomore;

Steve; Oh my lord. My fuck buddy. My buddy even now. [ as in friend, buddy..] He's what I can say comfort. We just work. We are buddies. We can talk for hours and hours on the phone without pausing. We were like this before the relationship and even after. We dated twice during my whole sophomore year. Who the hell does that kind of shit, we do. Like beginning and ending of sophomore year. Amazing. I talk to him a lot, we're odd. 

Tuan;

I like to ignore that I ever dated him. End. My worst relationship and showed me how immature I was. He was a tweeker. He was a drug dealer. He was a fucken cheesy bastard. I was "still" into that whole gangster thug, motherfucken shit. I despise that now. Well sorta, rofl. I spot youngsters that look like him and I shiver cause I use to be into it. He wasn't even there for 85% of our relationship. Neither in jail or without a phone. Nothing that I should have really let into my life. Bastard. 

johN. Fuck me. What is there to say about him. I still fucken love him but not "in love" with him.  No matter what happen between us. I know that I can always say that I love him. He puts a smile on my face when I think about him. We have good memories with each other. Even after we broke up, we still remain friends. We don't talk much now being that he does have a gf and I do not want to get into that. We are and will always be friends. He's that guy that well I thought I was really going to marry in the end. It was what it was.

Junior; 

I actually didn't date anyone and that was amazing for me. I believe I was seeing some people but nothing really special. Nothing that was like oh, wow.

Senior;

Cristopher Wilson James G.; How you hurt me so. How that small little girl inside me screams and rants about how you did it too. How I want to scratch your eyes out and just hurt you. How immature and stupid that sounds but please note that I am still grieving over everything that was between me and him. I'm sure I've talked about him enough to not repeat what was done. I just wanted to breathe easily and hope that our life will be better a part. I'm not saying that I never did love him, cause I believed I did. He was what I can say my high school love. A major one. He was the one that I thought shit, this is that guy who will sweep me off my damn feet. He swept me and knocked me the fck out..laid my ass down so that I was like half stupid for most of our relationship. The most violent shit ever. I'm glad, we're done and that it's something out of my life.