boys.

for me to review, please excuse it. 

I feel that I should be treated like a princess. Sorta. Opening doors for me, would be sweet. I like to pay for my own shit, too. But staring at me to get the bill, gets pretty annoying. Offer. Fight with me a bit? Ask me. Say fcken something!? I guess, I'm a independent princess? Does that even make sense. I like to handle most of my own shit but sometimes picking up the check or fighting me for it, doesn't hurt. I am super random. I will giggle like a 10 year old over something totally stupid. Doing new things always excites me. I enjoy a lot of the simple things in life. . ie. Pjs&Movies. My mind is always bouncing around thinking about sex. It's like anything I hear, I will laugh about how it's sex related. Not even funny, sometimes. I'm such a perv. Lord. 

'09 = no asians, I think this ban will last til June or sooner. Not sure. I'm sick of asian guys. I'm sick of OC, in general. I want cold weather and leggings and boots. I want that. Or at least like a month or two of it. 

boy;

I lalaLIKE him. 

known; 2 months tues.

Confident. Sweet. Bit Cocky. Smart. Random. Adventurous. Plans ahead for a future. GF? Not yet. [ neither do I, well BF ] Funny. Makes me feel warm, safe&free. Gives me enough space but enough space to where I still retain interest. Blunt. I see him like weekends, mostly. Being that I work night shift and he works the regular 8-5 schedule. We have fun together. 

ex;

future-ish? 'eh?

known; 5-6 yrs.

He's my ex. 5-6 years ago. My HS crush/ex. We were friends way before we were together. We have a connection, so he's known me longer then most. We are able to talk to for hours on end. Knows me longer then most. Shit, we dated and I believe he's one of the few exes that I will actually talk to about things. We've recently started talking again because of my ex. Who banned pretty much all friends, male or even female. So pretty much we're just friends. . again. Not sure why he's listed here. 

d sum;

'Eh.

known; 3/4 weeks.

Smart. Ex-Military, Veteran. Sweet. Cute. I feel streaks of clingy-ness from him. Gives me too much space, I've already lost a lot of interest. Not sure what he wants. Not feeling it. "confused & pretty annoyed. "

30;

'Eh.

known; 3-4 months.

Coworker.  Tall/6'2 to my 5'2. Talkative, a bit too much. Funny. Has two extra baggage of ex gfs. Way older. Posted in front of my desk on the daily. Not sure if I would want to continue anything.  I'm quite young and the last "older" one totally went way too fast about what HE wanted in life. Which totally left me hanging at the end. 

I AM.

I am happy for who I am and who I am not.  I'm glad that my life has been through what it has and I'm really glad for who I've met on the way here. I'm even semi-glad for my rice sack cause it will now make me work harder to lose it. I want to lose it without having to not be able to eat like horse, cause I lalalaL-O-V-E (can I stress it even more? ) to eat and it would depress me greatly if I'm unable to eat any of my goodies. 

School starts on monday, I need to revise my classes and just fcken deal with taking an 8 am class. And pack some more classes that will not involve well any science what so ever being that I am taking my damn math class already. Shit. I really need to get my ass moving with school. I've been lagging for way too long.  

Valentine's weekend is well my birthday weekend being that my birthday is two-one-three, yes, the LA area code too, rofl. [: Not sure what I'm doing for my birthday. I am taking the friday after that off to go to the desert with the boy, meaning I will be scared shitless from bugs and other wild things. It should be real fun though. My next problem with that would be to tell my parents that I will be doing an overnight trip thing. OH GOSH. I feel like I'm 5, really annoying. 

MY BLOG SUCKS. rofl. This is SO a personal blog. -___- oh well.

imma fake it!

Nails;

So reading "Justene Jaro" blog on the fake press ons, I thought what the hell, give it a shot. And I did it .. like 10 mins ago, before typing up this blog. I'm getting use to them fakey feel and semi-hard time typing. ESPECIALLY on my phone. Lord. Kinda annoying when I'm a hardcore texter. Oh well, I'm going to keep these til next week and find ones with pretty designs..well no, I want Hello Kitty shit for my first week of school, next week or zebra stripes. [:

Desert;

Sun bathing. Boy riding with the boys. Taking lots of pictures. Fun bumping and grinding at night. Lots of alcohol. [ like hell, I'll be drinking & if I do I'll be babysitting shit. ] No matter what the boy thinks, I ain't drinking all that much. He's all making lists on what to bring and I'm trying to figure out what to tell the parents and wtf I'm bringing there. Oh lord. He says it's going to be 45/50-ish degrees. What that means to me is like sweats, boxers, wifebeaters, tanks, sweaters, rofl. Boy was like wtf? I have to take all that shit off?! [; TMI. 

BOY; 

Okay it'll be two months next tuesday for us, just seeing each other. I know. I'm weird. Counting it but I'm a girl, I do shit like that. Any of you girls do that? Or am I just weird like that? LOL. Well so we're doing pretty good. I liike him. It's more then interest but I don't know. Distancing myself cause of the ex, I believe. I do not want to be hurt again. I don't want to fall too hard and just do that 3 yr old hell all over again. I'm flowing with it and so far, I'm loving every bit of it. [: 

Weight Lost; 

I really need to lose another 5 lbs before the desert, gosh. January, I pretty much sat around and went out to eat, rofl. I'm so broke too. 'EH. Oh lord. I hope that taking a lot moar classes and trying not o go out out so late will work to achieve the weight lost too. Plus I believe that this weekend the boy is going to drag my ass to the beach, to rollerblade. Fck I love that he's so random and well a outdoor kinda boy. [: 

Sorry for the TMI, most of the time but that's just how I am. Cause of a really side note, watched '01 porn. It was the worst shit ever. So boring as hell. And the girls were really urgh looking. So sad. 

zang.

It's been a really long time.

I'm sorry, blog lovies.

I just got my 2nd tat of "faith" on my R wrist. I have "hope" on the L wrist. I'm thinking sometime soon when BOTH tats are healed to redo/touch up some parts. Shall be fun to do it all over again, grrreat. I like the pain though. One of the FEW things that I can take. But the wrist bone area was still a major bitch. I can only imagine my damn ribs. . I'm going to be needing someone most likely the Bi Lover to hold my damn hand or at least talk to me through it. 

REASONING; ( like it even matters to you, cause it's for ME, ME, ME..) 

I will be reminded to have a little "hope" and "faith" in life. I know of many, who says life "sucks" because they think the end is near and they just lose all hope of anything. I got the idea of hope because of the whole "Pandora" box. In the very end there was still that small ounce of hope that all the evils of the world will disappear/be trapped again in the box. That's how I think of life, that even when all you feel is suffocation from all the evils of the world.. deep down there's still hope. A small flicker but she/hope will always be there for you even in the tough-est of times. "faith" ..just seemed to go to "hope", okay no. But I felt that it will remind me of the religious views. I have great faith in what there is to come for me and my life. I know it's not much but .. 'eff you. [: there's moar but it's "intense" rofl.

boy;

He's absolutely amazing. one word "wow", am I falling a bit too hard? A little maybe but I also know to distance myself and have fun with being single. He makes me laugh with his own nature of being "random", I love it. He always seems to know how to put a smile on face. We just have fun just talking to each other and give opinions on whatever we're watching on t.v. It's sweet and over 2 months, I feel quite comfortable actually. Comfortable to say that I would like a bf? Not yet. I give that a long bit. 

school; is around the corner. I'm scared. I hope I do really well being that I need to get out of OCC. I need to move on with what there is out there. I think I'll end up going to UCI afterwards. Not my school of choice but hey it's close and that means FREE rent, FREE food, FREE laundry, FREE car main. FREE, FREE, FREE.. just need to learn how to work, the parents moar about them nights out. 

EHH.. i'm tired, short/finally blog. sorry.

day 11.

115 lbs.

I haven't done anything for 3 wks. And I'm serious about it. No Wii Fit, more walking in heels though and I deeply struggle with that. I think I've been eating less and moar often. I deny most/all candies that are thrown my way. I feel pretty disgusted by soda now. Yes, I do sip a bit here and there but it just feels sickening to be drinking it at all. I rather have some juice and be done with it. 

SUPER excited for roller skating at the beach. [:

Fishing trip. LBC Belmont shores pier. We caught nothing. Nothing was biting. Nothing at all. It was sunny and hot as hell when we left. I woke up at 7:15, crawled out of bed, to go shower, head over to the boy's and well packed the things and went over there. After all that we headed to the Anahiem Hooters. A 5 min wait for 7 people, me and 6 guys. Quite interesting. Hooters girls weren't all over us though. I was sourly disappointed. The food wasn't too bad. The server even asked if I use to work at Hooters. I was like uhms no? Rofl. Me & the guys were just trying to find a hot girl there, but failed. Epic failurez. If they had the body, the face failed. If they had the face, the body failed. If they had nothing well they were lying that it was HOOTERs. I even busted out the paper bag line and his friend just laughed me like, "Did you just say that?!" ROFL. 

I enjoy my time with the boy. He brightens my day with his life theories. He has these plans for his life and over the last few weeks that I've known him, will pull through with his plans. He's random like me, which makes me smile. We're flowing with it all. I know, I've said it before but that's just how it is. We're happy. I haven't felt this good or free for a very long time. I'm glad that he has entered my life and hopefully it'll lead to where we both really want it to. [:

 

Handle me? HA.

Nerdy boy: I can handle her. 

26: Nope, you can't even handle me. You most definitely can't handle her. 

ROFL.

Shopping with the Bi Lover. [ no, I'm not bi curious. It's a nickname. ] Returned my Laura Mercier foundation, I most definitely do not need it since I have my BB cream. I am currently not that happy with the BB cream either, so urgh. I might try Skin foods. 15$ Seems like such a better deal too! Not quite sure yet. Cause I'm sorry to say but this isn't "blending" into my skin and it also makes me even more face pale. Uh yeah not in the direction I currently want at the moment. Winter face vs Summer face, I hope I tan up soon. And I do not mean the whole damn trucker tan cause seriously that's a big bust. I miss the sun. 3 years and "now" I miss it, wow. 

I have noticed that I do not even eat that much. I will eat slower but stay full longer. I eat smaller portions then before. It actually amazes me. I need to show the boy .. no, I need to show myself that I can do it. I will get skinny and tone. Hoping I lose a cup size with it. . maybe? And the boy can show me, he can gain a 6 pack once again. ROFL. 

Watched "Yes Man" with the boy today. I really enjoyed it. Cause well that's really how I look at life. I look at it like why say, "No" when you can really say "Yes". I mean that doesn't mean I'll fck anyone or that I will do drugs when offered. The whole concept of the movie was great and really funny. I just like having my eyes opened to new experiences. To really live my life cause it's my life and you really only live once. [:

My own destruction. Okay. He cheated. He lied about everything. 3 years of lies. I think I will question about everything that he ever told me. I'm bitter. My energy will be used else where. Yet that little girl inside of me . . pulls, tugs, and cries, "WHY?!" Why drag me down? What did I ever do? He said he wanted to marry me, within a month. Yes, a month. He was everything I thought he was suppose to be within the year. Yes, the honeymoon stage. I do know that. Yet things just slowly changed over time. I should have followed what my heart was telling me long ago, to let go. To shove it in his face that, " Hey, if you really wanted me.  You will follow me to the ends of the world. " That  you will go after me and tell me that, " Hey woman, I love you and .. there's nothing in this world to stop that. " Yet he never did. He never went after me. I went after him. I guess that was my own doing. He had his own "insecurities" and I told him about my past exes, who did cheat on me. And he told me, that his own father had cheated on his mom and he hated and had no respect for cheaters. And I would like to tell him today, " That I do not have any respect for you. Thanks for taking 3 years of my life and basically making me your little play toy. I am strong and will overcome all of this. I will walk with my head held high and when that day comes when you do see me again. I would like you to remember what you had and lost so long ago. You will never make me into damaged good, lovey. I'm way better then that/you and I know it. [: "

The boy. I'm glad that he has entered my life. I love how we're just flowing with things. I give him all the space he wants and he does the same. Cause I respect him. I enjoy his company and if we do go further with all this, I'll be glad. I'm not going to open all of myself up, just yet nor will I stop everything for him. I just want to see how everything flows together. 

_Gosh such a long blog. But seriously '09 is fcken crazy so far. I liiikkkke it. 

Hello Fatty!

Hello! (:

Yung Berg - The Business

" A freak in the morning, A freak in the evening. ." ROFL.

Note* the new word of is "ROFL"

'09 is quite interesting so far. Ass grabbing from the boy's homie. Midnight Kiss from the boy, note I've never had one. ROFL. Dated a guy for 3 years and never got a new year's kiss and our anny was on the 1st, rofl. Wow. Now saying my "yearly" Happy Birthday to one of my long time ago exes from sophie year and had lunch with him. Fracking random. Catching up on everything was actually interesting. Same ol' guy, sorta. ROFL. We had dim sum. Note that means I had dim sum like twice this week. Wow. Which is kinda rare. 

Later on today will head to Guppy's for some shaved ice. I hope I don't freeze over and die. But I'll still have smile on my face, I love condense milk, yeah . . a bit sick but it's okay. Haha. .  The wait was kinda lame but it's worth it in my book. The boy is iffy about it, rofl. I'll "feed" him and make him fat, no I'm actually going to starve his ass. [: teehee. . Extra orders of popcorn chicken and whatnot. Good shit. 

Kickback at the boy's. Rather interesting. I have once again been "pissed on"/claimed by the boy but this is to the homies and not to random folks at the party. A good direction? I kinda hope so but in a way it's like slow it down a bit? He was posted by me cause I didn't know anyone there til Bean, got there. Didn't stay that long cause my sister wanted to go home. BuzzKill. Urgh, Oh well.

*No one probably cares wtf I blog about and to tell you the truth, I don't give a fck. My blog I do what ever the fuck I want. Hrmph*

mysteries of the past.

itunes radio.

flow103 hip hop stream.

50 cent - wanksta

I was a freshman when this song or when 50 came out to the scene. Man, that feels so long ago. I remember listening to it while being on 3-way with Cece, Loanie & Rambo. Laying on my green soda just thinking about life and its future. And here I am today, not friends with Cece or Loanie cause I grew up from that scene. Rambo is my best friend is now in another time zone. My life has really changed since then. I'm not like "I'm not going to wear BLUE, fck that! .. I want black, white & grey! .. blah blah. ." I look back and I'm like wow, how fcken dumb and lame, was I? Yeah was just thinking about the past and how much I've "grown". When I see kids that are into that "scene", I just laugh and think shit, they'll grow up from it hopefully.

It's currently 53 degrees in my room. I think since I got wood floors, it makes my room more dusty and colder. Feels great in the summer but really horrible when Cali has shitty weather like this. I just bust out my Sparco sweater, yoga pants and actually wear socks to sleep. I never do that. Really cold. I don't have a heater either. Bah. 

School starts soon, I really need to well work out. Lose the extra 5 lbs and see what I can tone up in gym class. Wow. Gym class, I can't believe I'm taking GYM CLASS. I really want to take boxing and always wanted to but mom always thought it was too urgh for me. And now I'm a fatty. Just great. I really want to go and tone up. Look good and really feel good. I'm excited for the beach and soaking up the sun. I was able to be a decent tan color 3 years ago, I am certain I can really be that tan again, lmao. 

Hmmms.. so he's fcken delicious. /end. [:

'09.

'09 had a interesting start. (:

How I spent the last day of '08.

Mommy told me and my sister to just put on some clothes and let's go eat. We finally decided on dim sum at Dragon Phoenix Palace. Yummy! Went to the supermarket and got that "Ly Na cream", $1.93 . . I haven't used it, yet. Not quite sure wtf to do with it yet. LOL. Mom says it's not stinky, its the smell of orchids.

Got some vietnamese dessert at Hien Khanh, I love this place. Really delicious, too bad it was freezing and it made me well cold. haha. . [;

Got home and well rushed into getting ready. When it came down to it, I just grabbed my "Hello Kitty" tee and scarf and jetted off to work. LOL. I did that sultry bedroom look Tina Marie posted. I loved it. [:

After work, jetted off to well the party. So "berry excited" haha. . Work actually closed early for once, wow. Left at 9, to pick up Bean's sister, then to the party. Already knew that I was going to be the only rice ball there. LOL. Stood around for a bit, feeling the party. Danced at the end, lmao. Saw a fcken HE/SHE .. I was like fcken scared as shit. I thought HE/SHE was going to eat me. I'm asian so therefore, I'm good? LOL. -___- I kid. New year's kiss was awesome. Teehee. . [; Half the party left at like 1, homies and whatnot stayed til 2 and there was the laggers that just sat around. LOL. There was so much fog, it was kinda crazy. Stayed til 3ish.
So basically my new year's is well awesome. [; And I hope everyone else had a great one too!