fck me now?

I was browsing through Steve Madden's website and I spotted this. Not sure if it's really me but I kinda like it already. I love wearing heels even though I was about to eat shit again while walking in wedges. Yeah, I'm a fcken clumsy ass bitch. I laugh cause 30 was next to me again as I almost ate shit, he was like, "Babes you need to stop doing that.." I believe that's the second time that I've almost ate shit around him. I want to find these in the stores and we'll see if I come out of the store with it or I'll try to find a "dupe" for it, rofl. . I'm sure there's something like this out there. 

I don't know why I've been blogging about personal shit but then I don't really care. 

memories.

I'm confronted with what happened in the past. I am trying to view it with a straight face and a clean slate. I am getting rushed with all my past relationships. Flashing through them and thinking about what a fool I was in bits and parts of high school. I am now 21, meaning it's been about 4 years since I last stepped foot on my high school campus. High school what a memory that was. My drama, my heartaches, my tears, my achievements, my procrastination. 

The relationships. . I wasn't a little slut that fucked everything that walked but I had my moments where I just sat there and stared off into space like oh my fucken shit, the fuck was that? I don't even know why I'm bogging about it, I just am. Maybe I'll private it but we'll see.

Freshmen;

The Davids were my "short" freshie relationships. Both sophomores at the time and that made it all the cooler. I don't talk to David#1, being that I can't believe I even dated him. My cousin had introduced us and that was a bit of some drama there. David#2, I barely talk to him now. But we're okay, I guess? Casual friends. 

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. My first real like oh my lord, I love this guy, kinda one. A lot of heartbreak, drama, hopes and sorrows. We talk here and there, we still remind ourselves that we were so young and stupid back then. We bond when we talk but mostly end up about how our own relationship ended. I guess he's my first love, not my last but still. It was sweet and memorable. 

Sophomore;

Steve; Oh my lord. My fuck buddy. My buddy even now. [ as in friend, buddy..] He's what I can say comfort. We just work. We are buddies. We can talk for hours and hours on the phone without pausing. We were like this before the relationship and even after. We dated twice during my whole sophomore year. Who the hell does that kind of shit, we do. Like beginning and ending of sophomore year. Amazing. I talk to him a lot, we're odd. 

Tuan;

I like to ignore that I ever dated him. End. My worst relationship and showed me how immature I was. He was a tweeker. He was a drug dealer. He was a fucken cheesy bastard. I was "still" into that whole gangster thug, motherfucken shit. I despise that now. Well sorta, rofl. I spot youngsters that look like him and I shiver cause I use to be into it. He wasn't even there for 85% of our relationship. Neither in jail or without a phone. Nothing that I should have really let into my life. Bastard. 

johN. Fuck me. What is there to say about him. I still fucken love him but not "in love" with him.  No matter what happen between us. I know that I can always say that I love him. He puts a smile on my face when I think about him. We have good memories with each other. Even after we broke up, we still remain friends. We don't talk much now being that he does have a gf and I do not want to get into that. We are and will always be friends. He's that guy that well I thought I was really going to marry in the end. It was what it was.

Junior; 

I actually didn't date anyone and that was amazing for me. I believe I was seeing some people but nothing really special. Nothing that was like oh, wow.

Senior;

Cristopher Wilson James G.; How you hurt me so. How that small little girl inside me screams and rants about how you did it too. How I want to scratch your eyes out and just hurt you. How immature and stupid that sounds but please note that I am still grieving over everything that was between me and him. I'm sure I've talked about him enough to not repeat what was done. I just wanted to breathe easily and hope that our life will be better a part. I'm not saying that I never did love him, cause I believed I did. He was what I can say my high school love. A major one. He was the one that I thought shit, this is that guy who will sweep me off my damn feet. He swept me and knocked me the fck out..laid my ass down so that I was like half stupid for most of our relationship. The most violent shit ever. I'm glad, we're done and that it's something out of my life. 

21.

I'm 21 now and apparently shit goes down hill now. I mean I'm barely going anywhere with my education. I'm trying. Drug dealing, pharmacy does not really interest me but I know if I put my head in the game, I will get the $$ later on in life. I will not be a millionaire but I will be living good enough I won't have to struggle like my parents and my children will, well most likely not but they will be spoiled enough that they will be somewhat of brats. I will have my own house paid by me. Only me, not "him", whoever he may be but by me.  

Desert is this weekend. It's coming up pretty dang fast. I'm still quite surprised that my parents are letting me go. Me&Bean are being greedy and will fill up her tent with goodies/snacks. We're not sharing with the rest, we're horrible like that. Rofl. Oh well, suckers. I think I've made like several list already for what I'm bringing but yet to really pack it. I need to throw everything in my duffel. That reminds me. I would like another duffel, waiting for them sales at Macy's Home for another duffel that's going to last me for 10+ years. For make up wise. I'm bringing my EDM mineral powder [ the lightest and easiest to pack ] good coverage and easy to take off. I will bring eye liner, mascara and some blush. I hate it when I don't have blush, I look so dead without it. 

21; My birthday was okay. There's some pictures, I will get it from my sister and try to upload the ones that I got on my camera. There's nothing special. There's some face shots from work but be warned the BB cream made me like dead pale, wtf?! I think I just apply way too much sometimes, boos. 

Questions.

Who is your best guy friend?

Demon. I haven't seen him in about 6 months but he's still my best friend. Cause I know when it comes down to it. He'll be there for me.

If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?

I'm not quite sure how I'll handle that. I would be like okay and just smile. I do not want a boyfriend so that will lean that person no where, unless they want to sit around and wait. Ha.

What's your favorite type of flower?

Lilies. Thanks Bi Lover for them yesterday.

Where did you last sleep other than your house?

This morning, I was knocked out at the Boy's.

Do you have a best friend?

Yes. Demon.

Do you smoke cigarettes?

Not really.

Do you remember what you were like a year ago?

I believe last year I also spent V`day's alone. Was single for the month. Me & Douche/Turd muffin broke up for February last year.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My sister.

Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?

I am currently in my room. I am freezing.

Can you vote next election?

Yes.

Where do you keep your money?

The bank. Whatever money that I really "actually" have.

Ever have a sleep over with the opposite sex?

Not really? Rofl.

Where were you at 2:02 this morning?

I believe, I was still at Joseph's.

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

Hell yes.

Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?

I believe so. Easily Breezy, rofl.

Who did you last go out to eat with?

Boy, Jenn, Mark, Martin, Linda, England, Alice, Bryan, Jezeka, Vong, Tyler, Joseph, Viv, Eddie, Steph, Khai, Brian, Dee,.. etc. . Okay, it was my b`day so yeah. ROFL.

Do you have unlimited texting?

Yes. I believe 7k+ last month.

How old will you be in 13 months?

22.

When is the last time you took a nap?

Iunnoe? Last week?

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Jezeka.

Do you talk about your feelings or do you hide them?

Depending on what it is.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?

Yes. Boy's birthday.

What is in the back of your car?

Semi-empty water bottles.

What color is your toothbrush?

Purple.

Name one person that made you smile today?

Boy.

What were you doing at 8 am in the morning?

KTFO.

What were you doing 45 mins ago?

Eating my Edible Arangements.

What is your favorite candy?

I like all candies.

Have you ever been to a strip club?

Not yet. Was going to but yeah.

What is the last thing you said aloud?

I'm not going out, it's 12?!

What is the best ice cream flavor?

DMB's Magic Brownie. ;D

What is the last thing you had to drink?

Sipping on Purple Dinosaur from Jamba

What are you wearing right now?

Jeans & sweater.

Have you brought anything new clothing items this week?

Yes. Clothes for the desert.

When was the last time you ran?

Last month?

The last sporting event you watched?

Basketball?

What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Butter?

Ever go camping?

Desert, this coming weekend! Boy better keep me comfty&warm or else. [;<

Do you take vitamins daily?

No?

Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope. I'm buddhist. Got real sick, New Year's. Reminds me. I need to go.

Do you have a tan?

Nope. Pale as shit.

Do you like Chinese food over pizza?

Not really. Pizza is pretty dang good. Btw.. I just ate some.

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

Sometimes.

What did your last text message say?

How many years does that take? [ *Boy asking me about schooling. ]

Are you someone's best friend?

Yes.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Work&doing lots of math hwrk.

Where is your dad?

In the living room probably.

Look to your left, what do you see?

My Jamba Juice cup plus my bed. [:

What color is your watch?

Don't have one.

What do you think of when you think of Australia?

Kangroos.

Do you use chap stick?

Yes, Boy got me super addicted. Like if I don't have it. I freak out.

What is your birthstone?

Amethyst.

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

Drive thru.

What your favorite number?

7 & 13.

Do you have a dog?

Two. Norah&Charlie.

Have you met anyone famous?

Jen Jameson, Tito.

Any plans today?

Ebisu. Errands.

How many states have you lived in?

One. Cali.

Ever go to college?

Still going.

Do you dye your hair?

Nope, never.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

$$ issues.

Last song you've listened to?

No idea?

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

Yes.

Do you have a maid service clean your house?

Nopes.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the itme?

Betsy Johnson wedge heels.

What was your wedding song?

No wedding = no song, yet?

Jealous of anyone?

Nope.

Is anyone jealous of you?

I hope not? No reason to be.

Do you love anyone?

Family.

Do any of your friends have children?

Not that I know of?

Do you eat healthy?

Never ever!

What do you do during the day?

naps. hwrk. text my life away. drive.

Do you hate anyone right now?

Nopes.

Do you use the word "Hello" daily?

Almost daily being that I do use it at work. . rofl.

What color is your car?

Gold.

Do you like cats?

Uhmm.. they're out. Can I live without them? Probably.

Have you ever been to Six Flags?

Nopes. I believe it's a bad idea, being that I wouldn't go on ANY of the rides.

How did you get your worst scar?

Cus I'm stupid and clumsy. ]:

Do you have any tattoos and why?

Two! Hope&Faith on each wrist.

Best sex position?

Rofl. All of them. Uhm yes! ;D

What color are your bed sheets?

Black. I'm going to go for a tan color next month or something green! [;

21.

13 facts about me, stolen from FB but who the hell cares?

1; I have a Betta fish name Chester the Molester. He likes to watch me dance around in my undies. I believe I feel the most comfortable dancing in front of him. I got him cause he was the most healthy looking and most red out of all the fishes at the store. He matches my room which is now black & red, seriously. 

2; I'm a text-aholic. I have confessed. My phone is basically tethered to me. I like phone calls and can usually spend a couple of hours on it. 

3; Most random person, you've never met. I'm on a self made sugar high. Super spunky. 

4; I love cars. Yes, as much as I like to play with make up. I will get wet over a car. And well a little more for motorcycles. Yummy! 

5; Math is my worst enemy. PERIOD. 

6; I wanted to be a sex therapist but not sure how I would really work that. I love every and any aspect of sex. I love learning about all the different lifestyles. The word "vanilla  sex" makes me laugh. I have a huge sex drive and no that does not mean I will fuck anything with two legs, stupid.

7; Shoes are my heartbreak. I can't wear heels too well, I'm still learning and trying. I usually end up with Vans, Chucks, Pumas, etc. Cause I can do anything with those shoes versus the heels that I do have. 

8; I love creative artsy crafty things. I know how to knit and crochet. I love drawing/doodling crap on my papers. 

9; I'm pretty much down for anything, at least once. 

10; I was born in Monterey, Ca but lived in Socal/OC for all but 3 months of my life. I'm sick of it and I want to move up to Norcal or a more colder place later on in life.

11; Majority of my friends are guys. Girls complicate my life. I like it simple and chillax. 

12; My favorite color is now red. It reminds me that I do have a fiery spirit and some that aren't careful will get burned! 

13; Phoenix piece on my left rib, which will symbolize my sister and me. I as the Phoenix and how it's about rebirth and starting things over. Lany&Jezeka as background, they would be represented by orchids, lilies and rainbows that will be surrounding my Phoenix.

My 21st will be at Hooters and then the strip club. I will have my photographers there. <3>

Valentine's Day. I got nothing planned. Will figure that out soon. I was thinking "Friday the 13th" then some dinner would be nice. We'll see .. if Boy has anything planned. I miss him, btw. 

Rain.

Oh, how I love you! 

/wrote like on uhms friday? posted saturday.

Desert;

It's raining now. Boy says it'll be crumbly sand, he's kinda bummed out. Poor thing. He has everything planned for the desert. I feel bad cause I'm not even sure if I can go. Which is pretty bullshit. Imma ask this weekend. It should be okay since coworker/Bean is going too. Me & Beanz are going to cook up smores, lay out and browse those my jdm mags. [ Note to self, need to buy new jdm mags ]

Phone; 

Family just signed up for new phones. I got the G1. I'm using the wifi on it since it doesn't like my internet plan with the old phone [ N95  8gb]. Strange. Waiting for the 15th for new # & G1 internet. So the G1 will sit on my desk for a bit til the 15th. 'Eh. I'm so NOT bringing it to the desert with me. I'm so scared shitless of the sand cause boy was like my phone doesn't vibrate no more cause of the last time, I went. While I wait, I'm going to go in search of a bluetooth and a plastic cover for my phone. I'm thinking red or clear. Rofl. I know that I really do need it cause I am a total bitch to my phones after a few months. -___- 

Car;

My poor car is in the shop. New tranny? Meaning I'm currently typing this up as I sit and wait for mom's car. She is even thinking about getting another car so that we'll have an extra car of some sort. And who would be paying the payments? I would be. She's thinking of any cars that are in the '07/'08 range. I'm kinda thinking Scion TC, Honda Fit, Honda CRV, Toyota Taco [ hmmms, I could really use that trunk bed for my shopping ]. Mom is thinking uh corolla or uhm the truck. I say the TRUCK, so at least then I know my sister can even use it too, later on. It's all in the grey area at this point but I do miss my car. It's a monster! '83 300SD turbo w/ 300k+ miles.  meows*

Birthday;

Any ideas for me, ladies? My friends are ranging from 18+. No one is even 21. Well, not really. Can't do the whole house party cause parents would be like, "WTF, alcohol?" And we'll be loud. So that's a bit stressful. . cause I DO NOT want to clean up after people. No clubbing. Boy thinks 18+ club is shitty then I'm not into that scene. Never been but still. I rather dance at home in my undies. So HELP a girl out?

Shara's Day; [Valentine's Day., Yeah that shitty holiday. ]

Boy had a small thought about taking me to Roscoe's. Please note that Boy thinks Roscoe's is nasty. I thought it was cute, he even brought that up. I was like, " But babes, you don't even like Roscoe's. " He knows I like it but I told him don't cause he won't enjoy it. 

Boy;

He now wants to get his doctorates. Wants a white bike. .

I know kinda silly but I like nerdy-smart boys. I like that he is trying to better himself and prepare for his future. And the bike? That's the color I wanted. White with some pink stripes of some sorta, rofl. But knowing me, I'll get some red into it. Mmmms red. Does he make me happy? He knocked out on me, one night but told me he was sorry the next morning. I don't know why but I thought it was sweet. I know, I'm a weird girl. Oh well.